Depression
I went to the doctors this week. Wednesday to be precise. I had been summoned to see a doctor before they would continue with my repeat prescription for the anti depressant Seroxat.
I've been on this drug for about 7 years now and up untill recently I took it religiously every day.
The past year though I began to cut down slowly untill a couple of months ago when I stopped taking them.
This wasn't the first time that I had tried to wean myself of them, I have attepted this at least 3 times before over the past 7 years, each time having to start taking them again when the old syptoms returned.
This time though I was more confident that I would be successful. 18 months ago I moved to the country, got a new job and things seemed calm in my life. It was for this reason that I decided to have one more go at coming of the tablets. I felt I owed it to myself to at least attempt it.
I should say that my syptoms are quite mild compared to some sufferers of depression, a lack of serotonin has caused me to suffer spells of melancholy ( I realy don't know how to describe how I used to feel, this seems like as good a word as any). I wasn't even aware that what I was experiencing was depression untill a doctor who took the time to speak to me diagnosed it. I had gone to him because I had been feeling run down.... little did I know!
When he first told me that what I had felt inside for so many years was infact depression I felt a mixture of emotions. Walking out the doctors office with a prescription for anti depresants was a shock and I was embarressed but relieved at the outcome.
Trying to describe the difference the tablets made to me is difficult, depression isn't like a pain or ache that you can express to others. But I felt like a mist had lifted... if that sounds corny I'm sorry but there is no other way to explain how I felt when the tablets kicked in.
Begining the course of tablets also jump started me to examine diet and lifestyle, excersise became important to me as well as cutting down of cafine and other food sources that mimic the actions of depression.
So, 7 years later I'm still on the tablets, I'm open about it to evryone who knows me, the only people I have kept it from are my parents... I realy don't think they would understand, my mom especially would fret if she knew.
The 3 , now 4 failed attempts at coming of Seroxat isn't a problem for me, my previous doctor said that many people never come of them ( the idea of mild anti depressants like seroxat is to kick start the brain into producing its own seratonin, some people, like myself, can't produce enough)
I try and view it this way... many people put far worse things into their bodies day in day out, in the form of junk food, cigarettes and illegal drugs, but I, by popping one small pill, can enjoy life unhindered with depression.
I began this blog by saying that I had gone to the doctors for a renewed repeat prescription, this would normaly not be a big deal, but because I am now registered at a new doctors because I moved I was a little worried that the doctor might give me a hard time and quiz me on why I felt the need to stay on the tablets, luckily he seemed happy with the fact that I had attempted one last withdrawl and actioned a repeat prescription for a year.
I realy wish I was eloquent enough to describe the change that those tiny white tablets have made to my life, but I can't, and I won't attempt to do so for fear of understating the good they have done me.
All I will say is that they are not mood altering anti depressants, they just put the individual on a level playing field. I still have moods (just ask my partner), but I also have joy... genuine, NATURAL happiness...
I have no idea why I have just sat here with Star Trek: TNG on the tv and wrote this blog... but here it is!
I've been on this drug for about 7 years now and up untill recently I took it religiously every day.
The past year though I began to cut down slowly untill a couple of months ago when I stopped taking them.
This wasn't the first time that I had tried to wean myself of them, I have attepted this at least 3 times before over the past 7 years, each time having to start taking them again when the old syptoms returned.
This time though I was more confident that I would be successful. 18 months ago I moved to the country, got a new job and things seemed calm in my life. It was for this reason that I decided to have one more go at coming of the tablets. I felt I owed it to myself to at least attempt it.
I should say that my syptoms are quite mild compared to some sufferers of depression, a lack of serotonin has caused me to suffer spells of melancholy ( I realy don't know how to describe how I used to feel, this seems like as good a word as any). I wasn't even aware that what I was experiencing was depression untill a doctor who took the time to speak to me diagnosed it. I had gone to him because I had been feeling run down.... little did I know!
When he first told me that what I had felt inside for so many years was infact depression I felt a mixture of emotions. Walking out the doctors office with a prescription for anti depresants was a shock and I was embarressed but relieved at the outcome.
Trying to describe the difference the tablets made to me is difficult, depression isn't like a pain or ache that you can express to others. But I felt like a mist had lifted... if that sounds corny I'm sorry but there is no other way to explain how I felt when the tablets kicked in.
Begining the course of tablets also jump started me to examine diet and lifestyle, excersise became important to me as well as cutting down of cafine and other food sources that mimic the actions of depression.
So, 7 years later I'm still on the tablets, I'm open about it to evryone who knows me, the only people I have kept it from are my parents... I realy don't think they would understand, my mom especially would fret if she knew.
The 3 , now 4 failed attempts at coming of Seroxat isn't a problem for me, my previous doctor said that many people never come of them ( the idea of mild anti depressants like seroxat is to kick start the brain into producing its own seratonin, some people, like myself, can't produce enough)
I try and view it this way... many people put far worse things into their bodies day in day out, in the form of junk food, cigarettes and illegal drugs, but I, by popping one small pill, can enjoy life unhindered with depression.
I began this blog by saying that I had gone to the doctors for a renewed repeat prescription, this would normaly not be a big deal, but because I am now registered at a new doctors because I moved I was a little worried that the doctor might give me a hard time and quiz me on why I felt the need to stay on the tablets, luckily he seemed happy with the fact that I had attempted one last withdrawl and actioned a repeat prescription for a year.
I realy wish I was eloquent enough to describe the change that those tiny white tablets have made to my life, but I can't, and I won't attempt to do so for fear of understating the good they have done me.
All I will say is that they are not mood altering anti depressants, they just put the individual on a level playing field. I still have moods (just ask my partner), but I also have joy... genuine, NATURAL happiness...
I have no idea why I have just sat here with Star Trek: TNG on the tv and wrote this blog... but here it is!
Labels: anti-deressants, depression, seroxat
posted by Gary at 5:06 PM
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